So, finally we meet again! I know it’s been long, really long. And I am sorry. I have been struggling with stuff of my own. The year has been tough, and hard.. and bad. For one, I couldn’t live it up to mine or anyone’s expectations. I didn’t even try! Late, lazy mornings; an year without breakfast; skipping up on lectures at will; attending useless, boring meetings; dodging glares from unwanted, ugly people always on lookout for a prey; activities, that once meant recreation and have now gone rogue and outta control; a bad, bad writer’s block; issues with God, and family, and almost everyone who’s around; few screwed up relations; broken and unkept promises, being the cause of numerous tears that rolled down numerous pretty faces of those who love me; that’s what 2010 has been for me, mostly. Of course that’s not all of it! Like that one streak of silver lining peeping through the dark, black clouds that they couldn’t stop (and never would); I too have had my own precious and cherished memories from the year that’s now slowly but steadily ticking away. I can’t obviously write them all, here in this post. Some feelings cannot be put into words, while some are better when kept within the safe boundaries of your heart and brain.
Dee’s wedding; the time I had always feared to face and the time I realized I don’t anymore. There was nothing I could have done, nothing better I could have done. That was how it was supposed to be. How much I have wanted to be the only living person to love my sister(s), see that no one else can love them any more than I do. That was when I realized how stupid I had been all this while. Yes, I didn’t want her to go; because I thought going then would mean she’s leaving me behind. Pulling me out of her life. It’s now I realize what a jerk I had been!
When I bumped into a long-lost bestest friend; the time I had a zillion questions thumping my brain, all devastated to crackle my skull and burst open my head, and one of them actually did, “HOW ARE YOU!?” When what actually I meant to ask was, “How is it that your eyes still look so beautiful?” And then, “When did you come back?” No, I meant to ask, “Can I touch your face? It’s so shiny and white, and as innocent as pure pearl..” And the last one, before something (someone) abruptly took her away from me, again, “What have you been doing?” Ahhh, again. No. “I was such a jerk to have let you go. I am sorry. Can we be together again?” If only it were the right ones that popped outta my head.
Birthday 2k10; the time worth savoring. My first (and might be the last) birthday at college, I couldn’t have asked for more! Few punches, no beatings, no a$$ kickings or bumpies, my face and clothes all spared the fate of a trash can crumpled to its misery.. Man! THAT was a dream birthday I’d so long wished for! It’s always been fun to watch someone else get the beatings after you have had your share; but someone else having your share too, yeah, that was delightful! And to the person, who made my day, whom I never got a chance to hug (I’m sorry), or thank, I would have never known what I would have been missing had you not been there in my life. Thanks for walking into my room (and my life), and make sure you always close the door behind, for I am never let you gonna go!
A relation born so special, with a person so dear; the time I would wanna remember for ages and generations, and centuries to come! That one call, that one conversation, I never thought we would walk this far to a place, from where there’s no coming back. Not that I care, as long as I have you.. and that’s for eternity, I know. Thanking would not be enough, but I know you will understand. You always do. I don’t know how. I love you!
That’s most of it. My complete 2010. Also there are others I wanna thank, people I met, and whom I didn’t. For it was because of you both that my year was like it was. A person here, or a person there could have meant something else entirely. I couldn’t have missed upon any of the good times I had; so thank you all! And to those, whom I hurt, in any way, unknowingly that is, I am sorry. I really am. For the rest, yes I hurt you willingly! And no, I am not sorry for that. You should have known the reason I did so. If not, you should have searched for one; still didn’t get it, should have asked me. It wouldn’t have bothered me, for you are none of my concerns for the rest of the year. Yeah! You are lucky bi$h, I don’t carry my grudges into the next year. You have a chance to start afresh. WE have a chance.. Happy New Year!