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Insanity of Desire!
02 months ago
by Isha
in uncategorized
The sun has risen up and its rays had made the girl, who was still asleep, cuddle with her blanket. Tina woke up only to find her love, Ronit which was missing on the bed. Fearing he left her she shrugged off the blanket swiftly to rush downstairs in search of him but was stopped midway by a hold on her from the wrist. She knew the touch for it was his firm hand. Her eyes sparkled with satisfaction of him being around. He grabbed her from arms softly making her turn to face towards him. Both of them stared at each other for a moment until she couldn’t resist but hug him tightly. To her dismay he was found to be nowhere. It was just she, herself standing all alone dumbstruck in the room.
Her loneliness was disturbed by the knock on the door. She quickly wiped off her tears and opened it mechanically as if she had been waiting to respond.
“Ma’am your breakfast!” the lady at the door spoke.
“I don’t want it!” the door respondent remarked.
“But ma’am you haven’t ate anything since last night?” she exclaimed.
“Quiet! He is still asleep.” Tina whispered pointing to the bed.
The maiden looked worriedly at the horrible condition of her mistress. She was totally mess with her hairs completely untangled, worn up dress with color stains on it, scars on her face and arms followed up by a shattered room with everything misplaced and so many sheets scattered all over. Tina had been trying to paint his picture whole night but failed as she wasn’t good in art like him. She had always admired the way he portrait her beauty in his paintings.
Not paying any attention, Tina ran to the main hall seeing him entering in. She screamed aloud his name as if telling everyone of his arrival. She knew he would come to meet her today, for it was a special day. It was their marriage anniversary. She wanted to surprise him and so had asked the maiden to make all the arrangements for she knew he loves decoration done with magnificent flowers, music, lighting, and most of all her groomed up to the best, just for him.
She smiled childishly with the delightful thought that he is admiring her looks as she walked to him. She rushed onto the staircase so as to reach him. But someone blocked her way. Ronit was waiting to present her the lovely bouquet he had brought with his open arms. She tried remorselessly to push the person but her efforts went in vain. She watched him go back leaving her.
“He is leaving brother! Ronit is leaving! Let me stop him” she exclaimed.
“Let him go” He pleadingly spoke. Hearing this she slapped him tight and hurriedly left to follow Ronit.
Yes! He had left her another time just like he did by dying on the night of his own birthday one year ago, when she had killed him wildly in her madness. Later she had kneeled down to sit near his dead body crying in pain. She shouted aloud to call him back.
Ronit was her only desire whom she always craved to attain. She wished to rule him and wanted him to love just her. She got him marry her forcefully and gave her every love leisure and luxury of life. Yet somewhere in his thoughts another girl belonged. She refused to accept that he still was not entirely hers as she knew his soul was waiting to meet her, at least once.
Her head banged with the entrance gate which was closed. She got more furious and picked up the glass statue kept aside. She whacked it hard on her hand. Blood flushed out. Her brother and maiden hassled to control her. She absent mindedly moved to go inside stepping on those broken pieces.
She saw him in the garden near the pavilion. He stood there smiling. Her eyes stare at him and his was gazing the sky. She struggled to go near him to touch him, to feel him. Before she could step forward she was shocked to watch the girl beside him hugging into his arms. They were sharing laughter. It was none other than her.
Emptiness within her now seemed to kill her on the realization that Ronit has proved himself to be up to her desire. He had given her everything from his belongingness… care, help, time, happiness but in return she had only been cruel enough to give him death for the reason he had wanted to go and save the life of his love. She couldn’t dare to bear this. She never could understand that love goes along sacrifice.
It was dark again… her eyes became gloomy & she got unconscious as soon as the syringe was injected in her body. Tina’s insanity of desiring him had lead to this mental trauma.
When Life appeared like a DREAM..!!
84 months ago
Girls are the crazy devotees of love stories and I am no different. Being an ardent admirer of love sagas, I had heard, watched and read hundreds of love stories. But this story was different, completely different than the rest, for me, because it is my love story, and for others as well, because there was something about this tale which made it extremely special.
My life has been special in its own way.. lovely family, great friends, good job and a simple lifestyle. There was nothing extraordinary that I could have shared with the others and the entire world. Being an introvert,I like keeping things to myself without even letting the others feel what all and how much is running through my head and my heart. My life is an open book, at least for the people who know me for I avoid sharing myself completely with anyone, not even with my closed ones. And then, there has always been a very special corner in the garden of my heart where everyday a new dream blossoms and now that corner has started blooming with the beauty and fragrance of those dreams which are utmost special for me. The dreams were many but the most special of all was the one which adorned the center of my little heart.. The dreams of my SKR i.e ‘Sapno ka Rajkumar’. And they were too precious to share with someone.
I could not picture him clearly in my heart, I mean how could I, that wasn’t practically possible but still I had imagined him in my daydreams. It was like i am watching that view from the back where he is holding my hands in his, taking me to an unknown yet fascinating place illuminated by the beaming moonlight. From the much I could understand from that scene was that he was very loving and extremely caring, completely lost in my eyes as if i was the only girl in this world, his girl, and tightening his grip on my arms as if he did not want me to go anywhere,not even for a second. And I, mesmerized by the charm of his love kept staring in his deep eyes which apparently explained the depth of his love for me. I thoroughly believed that there could not be such a soulful lad on this Earth before I met him.. or if I say ‘heard him‘.
October had just begun. It was a pleasant Sunday morning. I was reading my horoscope in Sunday times. ‘…. and this week some of the Scorpios may even find their love interest’ when my cellphone started playing its soothing ringtone. I had a call.. an unfamiliar call from a familiar number.( There can be many situations which will lead to the same statement,u may imagine anyone of them).
The voice that side was a kind one would love listening to – intense, mischievous yet gentle.
Him: Hello?
Me: Yes? May I know Who is speaking?
Him: I am speaking.
Me: Who ‘I’?
Him: Me.
Me: Whom do you want to talk to?
Him: You.
Me: Me? But i don’t know you.
Him: So what? You will come to know me.
Me: Are you telling me your name or i am keeping the phone.
Him: Keep it if you can.
Such was the confidence in his voice when he said that statement that i just could not keep the phone. After having heard his voice for just few minutes, i was so lost in his voice that i found it hard to press that red button. As if he had compelled me by just saying a few sentences. It took me a lot to disconnect that call. The next day, same time , my phone rang again. Seeing that familiar number,i received that call. It was him,once again. Our conversation began with the same set of question-answer round. I realized i wanted to talk to him. It was really strange on my part that a girl who has always been shy while talking to people, has always been so uncomfortable sharing her thoughts with the others, the same girl had been completely hypnotized by that voice.
He wanted to talk. I was trying to be resistant. But just trying. It was hard to control myself as if some outer force was overpowering all my efforts. And i was giving up. I had not met him. I had not even seen him. I had just heard him. But while talking to him, or rather listening to him, I used to feel as if I have been talking to him since years, I know him since I did not when. I had started losing control over myself. I had stopped making efforts to resist him and was swaying in the direction his words were taking me to. We started talking frequently.. everyday.. many times a day. The duration of our calls was stretching longer. And our conversation.. getting deeper and love- centered. Few days later, it was just him and me… deeply in love with each other.
Him: I don’t want to hear anything.
Me: I am sorry.. Suno toh..
Him: No.. I won’t talk to you.
Me: Achha!! For how long?
5 min? 3 min? 1 min?
Him: Never.
Me: Oooooh… Hmm… Let me see..
(I went closer to him.. stood right in front and placed my hand on his chin.. made him look into my eyes.. deep into my eyes. Few seconds later,we kissed. And all this happened while we were on phone.)
He stepped in my life and I forgot my SKR. May be, because I had already found my SKR in him. Or may be, there was so much of love filled in his words that i was completely fascinated in that different world i was residing in then and did not remember anything. His charm was just dragging me towards him every moment. He used to talk and I kept listening to him in amazement. He kept intensifying my average looks making me feel as I was the most beautiful girl on this Earth. I used to feel his warm touch even miles away from him. I found myself completely immersed in his immeasurable love. I wanted to be with him. I wanted to spend my entire life with him. I longed to take my last breath in his presence. I wanted to forget all those reasons which were stopping me from moving ahead. And I told him.. Everything. My life appeared like a dream. Only dreams could have been so beautiful. I was lost. Completely lost.
Yes. Only dreams appear to be so beautiful. When reality strikes, you get a hard blow on your heart which wakes you up from your deepest slumbers and shows you the bitter truth of life. Same thing happened with me as well. Though our hearts were deeply connected.. they are still connected, our lives will never meet. I have still not met him. I have neither captured a glimpse of him in my heart nor have I felt his warm touch. I know how immensely I have loved him. But I will always be more fortunate for having him than him for having myself for his love is deeper than mine. I have heard people saying that True Love stories never end.. And i truly believe in it. So I am moving on in my life having experienced the most beautiful moments. As they say, Don’t be sad that it’s over. Be glad that it happened. And in my case,it isn’t over.. it will never be over. Wherever You are.. I want you to know that I still Love you. And will keep loving forever.
Hi friends.. hope you liked this post. I am not an author. But I keep making such small attempts. This story is just a small piece of fiction which was running in my heart since a long time and i felt like sharing it with you all when Ankur invited me to write something for his blog. And thanks a lot Bhai for inviting me to your blog as a guest writer. I really feel honored to be here. Love u.
Following your heart
8Hey, Here I got invited to write a guest post that is surprising for me because I am not a good writer but I am a learner, Well I feel glad to be a part of Ankur’s blog, who is my lil Brother..:)
I am writing on very short notice and I got barely good time to think, so I am come-up with an idea to discuss about a very crucial topic that is a dream career.
Dream career here implies that everyone start dreaming about a career in their childhood time and often family members and their friends ask you this question that bache bade ho kar kya banoge 
On that note I would like to ask, is it really right to answer that question in so early age? When I was a child I changed my dream career every month, sometime I said I wanted to be a Doctor and sometime I used to say I wanted to be a teacher, an actor and a mother ( I was kid yaar)
Finally I had decided to be a business woman in my teenage and wanted to open boutique all over in India, I had even planned that where from I would buy cloths, about facilities to be provided etc., You must all have wondering about successes of my career Btw Life is not certain and what you plan will actually happen is a big question mark. No, I was not able to concentrate on my dream career, I have joined a job when I was doing graduation and after doing a job for last 8 years now I am studying MBA. That what is reality of my life, I was not able to persuade my dream career because of uncertain circumstances and influence of people around me in my family.
To achieve your dream career the most important things are concentration and your will power to do it. I am not a person, who can concentrate on one thing at a time because of my changing mood, Sometime I feel to write and another moment I start reading a novel and then do designing. Btw I believe that whatever you do should give you happiness and satisfaction and that as a human being we rarely get. So for me dream career is a complicated Question and a question mark in itself. What about you. I wish you all good luck for your dream career and wish you will achieve that path.. 
Seeya friends and Happy new year in advance.. thanks for bearing my English.. :p
Here’s someone for you!
3Okay, so this is how it started.
One evening, I was doing some gaming on my mobile. TV was on. And Buzzzz, I had a new message.
Oye, will you be the first guest blogger for my blog =/
I tell you, that wasn’t shocking. =)
Hello Readers, Ankur ke dosto and yes, my dear Spam Bots! I am Varun (if you didn’t alreay notice).
It was really hard to decide about the topic. It had to be good, that’s all I knew. Talking about life, feelings, etc has never been my thing. Fun? Um.. No. That happens with friends around, right? (winks) So, I didn’t had anything to write about. Tech, for a change, I ruled out in the beginning.
BTW, Christmas is over already, any ideas for new year resolutions? Han Han? 
Well, I have some things you might wanna do in 2012. Com’on, I have something for everyone!
1. Go to school less often. What, don’t wanna help mumma with some work!? She works so much for you guys. And schools are getting useless anyways.
2. Never follow Point 1.
3. Deactivate your Facebook account. Twitter’s a much better place to hang out. What no? Seriously!
4. Ahem, this one’s good. Stop watching those silly TV shows. Trust me, buy Tata Sky and subscribe to CW. Phir Life hogi jhingalala!
5. Mr. Dad, take some time off your office to go watch movies and have fun. Please don’t watch ‘Players’ BTW. #AHumbleRequest
6. Try playing lesser games and study more. You are gonna get all the time to play games in college. That’s all we do there! (lol)
7. Oh, sorry. There’s no 7.
Actually, that’s all I could think of with this sleepy little head of mine.
I need to sign off now; and that just got too much for a guest post. You guys enjoy your Christmas fun.
Have a happy 2012! 
O Hosanna!
17I have never been the person who would happily share whatever he’s feeling, whenever he’s feeling with anyone who’s around. Unless being prodded about it for long, by few close ones that too, it never happened. Last night, I am surprised.. was an exception. An exception I’m not afraid or regret I made. Serene and silent was the night, and soft music were on loop. I was doing what I’m good at.. designing, chatting and facebook. Few (countable) number of chat tabs were open, I wasn’t talking with many of them though. The ones I was talking to, a dear college friend, an online pen pal and another random girl half my age who popped in from nowhere inquiring my whereabouts. Later on I found that she, like me, was also a great fan of Anushka’s performances. Kawai!
Now usually at that hour, I’d prefer doing my work, the way I like doing it the most.. listening to music, something decent and low that soothes my heart and soul. But.. it was perhaps something about yesterday that I did, that made me actually cherish those early night conversations over the usual. After sometime, it was just that dear friend from college, I was chatting with. The usual design talks took a detour and general chit chat was happening when I felt a sudden urge, a need to tell him things in detail. It seemed the perfect thing about that moment. The heart was doing the thinking, mind was processing the thoughts at its ease, and the fingers were playing in sync with the signals of the brain. I was actually typing out my fears, some of my real private moments I had with people I was related with, that, to put it in a decent way. And he was supportive, sweet enough to understand.
With that, adding to my already extrovertish mood, I came across this really, really beautiful song from A.R. Rahman Musical. The lyrics were penned down by Javed Akhtar, I guess. Here’s a glimpse -
60 seconds.. This, just a minute clip.. but the magic it left behind on me, my heart and my mind, only grew with time. For one, it has one of world’s best music director in its making.. second, it brought back memories from my past, few from my near past, rushing back from the deepest lockers of my heart, flashing before my eyes in an endless loop. That began happening every time I looked away or blinked. Amy Jackson might have been a British model, but every expression of hers in that song, resembled of a someone I had given up on thinking about for long. The video was left to play on loop. With that done, every passing minute, I was slipping a step deeper in that flurry memory lane of mine. This only added to the misery of my friend, or so I thought. My chat IMs were getting more frequent, faster and desperate. There I was, not just writing my deepest of cravings and feelings, but sharing them with someone very real. Not worrying about what he must be thinking of me, how he must be judging me.. all I wanted at that moment was to get it all out and tell someone how much I felt for her, how deep within me I still feel for her. What she meant for me back then, what she still means to me. I was telling that to him, but I felt as if a part of mine was speaking it back to me. As if every bit in me was trying to remind me how pretty she looked when she used to smile that way. And for the first time since we talked (not long back), I felt jealous of him.. the person who has her. But then the very next moment it hit me what I was saying. And it dawned on me how irritating I must have been for that friend I was chatting with.
I felt sorry, I must have been very irritating and very frustrating, really! To get all that from an otherwise conserved person, I can very well imagine how I must have felt. But he was sweet, sweet enough to have said it didn’t irritate him.. and that I didn’t actually get on his nerves with my messages popping out on his screen every few seconds. He added, he actually could understand what I was feeling. I really did feel sorry though, for he had to be a part of one of my unusual mood swings, but he didn’t mind. In fact he did try to cheer me up, change topics, I contributed too. Didn’t help much, to be honest. Heart, as you put it, can make you do wonderful things sometimes.. rest of the times, it just gets crazier!
P.S. For all those who were thinking they would see no more of me before New Year’s eve, sorry to break the bubble.. but it must have taken you by a surprise, right? Also, I am sorry I may or may not be there to share my version of the year this time. Why? I don’t know, I just don’t feel like. But then, I did say ‘may or may not’. Let’s just leave it to time. BUT.. there’ll be few surprise posts for your new year, as compensation. That’d my way of saying sorry. Till then, keep smiling, keep rocking and happy holidays! Gracias!
10 Day ‘You’ Challenge – Day 9
0Day 9 – two songs
Though my love for music has been mostly about following the top 40, there are some tracks that have settled on my mind and heart as much as any person dear to me. And since music has mostly been a companion when I feel lonely, or sad.. or angry sometimes, the two songs I am sharing belong to the same one genre.
1. Ke Bin Tere – Aggar
A good song, with soft music and nice lyrics. Mithoon’s voice takes care of the magic it leaves behind. This song gives me the pep my life has been needing for the past 4 years. Does drive me down some crazy memory lanes, but I never regret listening to this song. It’s flawless.
2. Laree Choote – Ek Chalis Ki Last Local
I remember how I crazy I went after listening to this song for the first time back when I was in Kota. Lyrics are what have always mattered to me, they always have. I listened to this song straight for 2 weeks on loop.
